blueberry bogs await

mid-spring is here. the buds have burst into spurts of leaves, the daffodils are out, and the pink bushes where the snowdrifts used to be demand my attention from the corner of my eye. a chip-monk and a squirrel in one day, not to mention the choirs of not so melodious birds that sing all hours of the day and night--even they can't figure out where and WHEN they are. i step out of the library more often than i should, through the front doors that open onto the steps of the main quad. from there, i can see for miles--the horizon is layered in soft blues and reds, and the green leaves break the lines gently. ambiguity has once again arrived with the blurred divisions--the stark white snow is gone for good.

a little bistro on silver street. a six hundred dollar meal for ten. exorbitant? why yes, especially when i need half that for housing myself in maine this summer. charred steak and bailey's ice cream, topped by expresso. no jimmies (i still don't understand the way the people speak here sometimes). fern gully puts me to sleep, and i think of how much the deciduous forests of maine are not like those rainforests--and i tell myself that maine will remain forever and for always my little secret. that the rest of the world won't catch onto the beauty. that the urbanization won't spread, and those awful shopping complexes with the yogurt shops and the joanne's fabrics and the kohl's. my maine is beautiful, and the people here are quaint. they speak their own dialect, and i join in gleefully when i can.

i sit for hours at a computer in the library, researching and researching and researching globoid leukodystrophy--i hate knowing that all of maine is outside two sets of so very fling-able doors. and then i tell myself how selfish i am. thinking of how much krabbe's disease irks me, when there are babies out there dying of it, and i could actually be using my education to get myself somewhere where i could have a say in life or death. those matters aren't mine though. i will stick with my neuroscience (in the "wow, that's fascinating" sense) and my human development (yes, mother. it's called human development and it IS valid) and latin (eheu) minors...only because there is no room for three majors though.

i will go to bed tonight, knowing that my last chemistry lab report is written and that i have two weeks of academic hell before my first maine summer. it tastes like blueberries, i can already tell. a ten page literary analysis of pathetic fallacy and its implications for Arcadia in Vergil's (the NON-christianized spelling, thanks) Eclogues, a ten page neurodegenerative disease literature review, a who-knows-how-long exploration of childhood sexual abuse on adult mental health, a latin presentation, a muscle fatigue study and paper, a psychology ethics reaction paper, an advanced neurobiology figure presentation, a french exam, and then reading period. then six final exams. blessings, all of them. i try so hard to tell myself. thank you, god, for an able-ish mind. and a strong-ish body. and a kind-ish soul.

blueberry bogs await.